Growing Through Grief: HOPE
By Angela Clement
When we lose someone we love, it can really take us to our knees. It seems like our whole world has come to a complete halt. We look around and wonder why everyone else is still carrying on with their lives when ours feels like it is over. I get it. Even though I knew that others had lost a spouse before and I was not the first, it sure felt like no one else could ever truly understand my pain. And in reality that is true. No one knew the intimate relationship Blaine and I had. Those first few days, weeks and months were really hard. You might wonder, how does one ever get through it?
The first thing I want to tell you is you have to do what feels right for you. The next thing I want to tell you is that as much as it doesn’t feel like it right now, you can move through this terrible pain. With the right support and very diligent attention to your own self - care you can start to feel better again. I am here to tell you there is hope to live a life you will love again.
I talk about HOPE as an acronym for a Heart Opening to Purpose and Expansion. When we first experience grief, the pain can be so intense that it causes our hearts to close. Physically and emotionally we tend to pull our bodies in as a way to shield ourselves from the hurt. It is a completely normal reaction to keep ourselves safe. It is like we are cowering to protect ourselves from further damage. Yet if you think about it, the hurt from loss is on the inside of us. By pulling ourselves in, we are only holding it inside. In order to free ourselves from the hurt, we must open our hearts so that we can free the pain. When we allow ourselves to let go and open we will then be able to mourn our loss which is exactly how we heal. We may cry, scream, write, draw, run, or pray - and there are so many more ways we can express and allow that pain to come out.
At some point as we learn to release pain, and this time frame is different for everyone, we will often start to think about our own mortality and why we are still here. We might be asking ourselves why we had to stay on this earth while our loved one moved on. This is when we start to question our purpose. This is when we start to wonder, what will the future look like? Now we may look toward the future with fear. This is understandable after what we just went through, because our loss was absolutely the worst thing imaginable and quite frankly no one wants to experience this pain ever again! The thing is, we can continue to hold the pain close and/or we can outstretch our arms and receive something new. There is no right or wrong and no judgment here and no time frame. We make our choice when we are ready. It takes time, support and patience.
Expansion comes when we allow ourselves to open up to the idea that there could be a bigger plan. We might not know what that is or how we will get there. We just know that we wouldn’t be here if there wasn’t something we needed to do. Once we can open ourselves up to the space of curiosity and what opportunities that might present for us in the future, we start to experience a gradual expansion in our life. We are in the place to receive something new that will bring us joy and excitement. We keep our loved ones tucked safely in our hearts and at the same time surrender to a future that is ours to experience. If you want to talk more about this process and how I might be able to support you on your journey with grief, contact me at healingenergy.world.